Fargo Flood '09

heyyyyy there :)

so u kno maybe i'm a bad person....ya that could be it. cause i don't care if my house get's flooded? or care about the flood fighting efforts anymore -- even tho i did like 2 days ago.

omg. shoot me. i fucking just hate fargo right now. and the people in this house. i seriously would like to fucking strangle someone. uhg that bitch. i hate my parents.

haha ok ok lots of anger in that paragraph. my bad. it's just...a long story. well not really all that long even...really ya no....its not. damn it

i cannot write right now. i hav to get my life back in order so i don't go insane and then ill be back k promise

bye :) ?

happy birthday sarah {me}

so today's my brithday...ya pretty intense. ima whole year older. whoa. lol we wont "disclose" my actual age cause well jus causse haha.

on big holidays like this one i like to think back on where i was exacly a year ago....and exactly a year ago from today i was in missoula...hmm....

ok u kno what? no. im not gonna do this -- the whole "talk about how im FEELING". no. there's no point. im not gonna talk at all and tell u anything because that wont do anything. nothing will change i wont figure out what i want to change what i want why im like this NOTHING

all i want is to sleep...for a very long time....

i dont want to make mistakes anymore. or trust people. or trust someone to make u happy because they will always let u down. in the end. always.

i wish i didn't have a heart. life would be so much simplier.








I am a little bit of loneliness

A little bit of disregard

Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everyone can see these scars

I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel

But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real

So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do

Face away and pretend that I'm not

But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I got

(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident

Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make sense

I am what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt

It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out

So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do

Face away and pretend that I'm not

But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got

(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(No)
(Hear me out now)
(You're gonna listen to me, like it or not)
(Right now)
(Hear me out now)
(You're gonna listen to me, like it or not)
(Right now)
(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

(I can't feel the way I did before)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)
(Time won't heal this damage anymore)
(Don't turn your back on me)
(I won't be ignored)

I can't feel

Don't turn your back on me

I won't be ignored

Time won't heal

Don't turn your back on me

I won't be ignored


{Faint} by Linkin Park

hi :)

heyyyyy there :)
ya i kno, its been awhile since iv been on here...super busy with track and speech stuff -- as usual. and jus tired. haha ya i miss my sleep. which is what i really should be doin right now AS WELL AS studying for my premit test that im takin on March 16th -- tuesday = my bday :D hehe OMGEEEEEEEEEEEE! i shall be a WHOLE 15! whoa. hmm i wonder if disclosing ur age on a public internet blogg is safe? haha o o spagetthio. *snort* o well. whatev. i hav faith in people -- to not be stalkers and well u know....stalk me. ew. lol

*sigh*

and i havent been working on my story either...which is probably not good. it's like once a month i post a new chapter -- on "FicionCentral" yaya it sounds nerdy but it's pretty cool. easy publish. or somethin like that haha. so that would make o wow March 16th the deadline for chapter 3! how cool :) ok ill get right on that.......possibly ;)

so i got track practice tomorrow from 9 - 11. woooooooooo. NOT. i SKIPPED A 3 DAY SPEECH MEET IN FRICKIN MIDDLE OF NOWHERE JUST SO I COULD SLEEP LATE ON MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND. and yes i said weekend -- haha im a selfish child i make the whole weekend "mine". hehe. i mean haha. hehe's i have decided r gay. i mean stupid. so ya.... =p

*dirty south, can y'all really feel me? east coast feel me. west coast feel me*

o great song yes indeed. Aaliyah rocks <3 haha

ok dude i really need to like study my booklet thingy for a few minutes then crash
im all sore from hangling cleans. TrapBlockekalkjhglahs something or the other idk what 1/2 these things r called in the weightroom but no matter. i love track :D

kk adios amigos
voy hablar con tu luego!
*snort*
if u kno what that means ;)
[i so wish i knew french -- sounds prettier]
haha ok fo realz. bye!

sarah*jane <333333333333333 less then 3's u, my homies :D ------ or not ok that works too

trying not to break but im so tired of this deceit...take everything from the inside and throw it all aways cause i swear for the last time...

i wont trust myself with u

i won't waste myself on you



u kno u gota problem when a song with lyrics like that reminds u of ur best friend.
i mean really dont u agree?

good lord.

k so anyhoo, hello =]
long time no...blogg. *snort*
ya iv been pretty busy-ish. track/speech combo. is a killer =p

kinda sorta alot has happened since last time i wrote here...
well for one my internet is shitty. it keeps cuttin off cause im using this "default unsecured network" haha ya i dunno. whatev. im just gonna keep writing. causeeeeeee that's what i do. write.
write.
write.

because why? well i don't really know. actually i dont kno ALOT. kinda the dumbest "smart" ]supposedly] chick ull ever meet. if u ever meet me. whoever u r....probably not. haha crepper! if ur creppin go away now thank u ok bye.

so as i was sayin non-creepers. whoever u r, a lots has happened.
well before last night shit was good....then bad stupid shit happened. comes and punches in the the face and now im currently nursing a festering re-opened womb.

i think it could be called.....falling for ur best friend. again. giving him ur heart to keep because u trust him more than any other boy then him letting u down - syndrome.

but it's my fault. i'm an idiot. i guess i thought that maybe it was possible for things not to completely change sometimes....like when u leave a place and leave people behind...i hoped that maybe one thing - one relationship would always stay the same. and one friend whould never leave. i made a mistake in letting myself believe that. iv made so many mistakes because really when it all comes down to it the only person there is to blame is myself.

i know how to be alone. and how to have no friends. here with you.
it's a....a soul-hurt [Neil Gaiman is my hero. best quotes ever]. deep rips u apart pain. in comparision to loosing a boyfriend, it's just as bad...especially when u love ur best friend more than u proabably should. did i mention im an idiot? and possiply have a slight masochism fettish OR SOMETHING I DONT KNOW.


god help me.

karma [if u r at work here] ur a bitch

life. ur a bitch too.

one minute ur on top
the next ur not
watch it drop
making ur heart stop
just before u hit the floor

over and over again. it comes around and around. the bad shit the mistakes. won't go away.
yup. gotta love it


S