trying not to break but im so tired of this deceit...take everything from the inside and throw it all aways cause i swear for the last time...

i wont trust myself with u

i won't waste myself on you



u kno u gota problem when a song with lyrics like that reminds u of ur best friend.
i mean really dont u agree?

good lord.

k so anyhoo, hello =]
long time no...blogg. *snort*
ya iv been pretty busy-ish. track/speech combo. is a killer =p

kinda sorta alot has happened since last time i wrote here...
well for one my internet is shitty. it keeps cuttin off cause im using this "default unsecured network" haha ya i dunno. whatev. im just gonna keep writing. causeeeeeee that's what i do. write.
write.
write.

because why? well i don't really know. actually i dont kno ALOT. kinda the dumbest "smart" ]supposedly] chick ull ever meet. if u ever meet me. whoever u r....probably not. haha crepper! if ur creppin go away now thank u ok bye.

so as i was sayin non-creepers. whoever u r, a lots has happened.
well before last night shit was good....then bad stupid shit happened. comes and punches in the the face and now im currently nursing a festering re-opened womb.

i think it could be called.....falling for ur best friend. again. giving him ur heart to keep because u trust him more than any other boy then him letting u down - syndrome.

but it's my fault. i'm an idiot. i guess i thought that maybe it was possible for things not to completely change sometimes....like when u leave a place and leave people behind...i hoped that maybe one thing - one relationship would always stay the same. and one friend whould never leave. i made a mistake in letting myself believe that. iv made so many mistakes because really when it all comes down to it the only person there is to blame is myself.

i know how to be alone. and how to have no friends. here with you.
it's a....a soul-hurt [Neil Gaiman is my hero. best quotes ever]. deep rips u apart pain. in comparision to loosing a boyfriend, it's just as bad...especially when u love ur best friend more than u proabably should. did i mention im an idiot? and possiply have a slight masochism fettish OR SOMETHING I DONT KNOW.


god help me.

karma [if u r at work here] ur a bitch

life. ur a bitch too.

one minute ur on top
the next ur not
watch it drop
making ur heart stop
just before u hit the floor

over and over again. it comes around and around. the bad shit the mistakes. won't go away.
yup. gotta love it


S